the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
