Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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