I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
