Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
