apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
