come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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