Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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