Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
