so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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