Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
