you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
