sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
