I wish I only lived at night.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
