How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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