Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
