I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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