I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
