he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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