So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
