overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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