I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
