I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize