soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize