No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
