I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
