God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize