i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
