Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
