Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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