Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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