I accidentally had phone sex last night
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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