I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You may now shotgun with the bride
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
