Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
