So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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