i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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