I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize