I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
