if i can run in heels then i can drive
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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