There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
