i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
