those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
