so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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