this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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