After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
