WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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