I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize