I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
