I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
