Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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