They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
