Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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