My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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