the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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