Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
