She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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