look no pants
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize