ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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