So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
