They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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