I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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