Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
