You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
