is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
