If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just want to make out with him forever
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
