you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize