i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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