Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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