The maid of honor just puked.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
