my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
