My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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