I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's just like the Real World with babies
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
