just come out here and I will go home with you...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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