you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
