She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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